


Don't Look Back

by immortalbanner



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: 3x13, Character Study, Internalised Homophobia, Less shippy and more of a character study, M/M, this episode mad me Sad™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 11:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalbanner/pseuds/immortalbanner
Summary: TJ was more than excited about his costume idea with Cyrus. That is, until Kira questioned him.





	Don't Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this episode made me sad so I wrote this to make myself even more sad.

TJ replayed Kira’s words in his head as she walked away.

_So you’d rather do a costume with Cyrus than with me? Okay, have fun with that._

He felt frozen as bile burnt his throat. He knew what her tone insinuated. That he’d rather do a costume with a _guy_ over a pretty girl who was clearly into him.

That wasn’t how it should be. He should jump at the chance of a pretty girl wanting to do a costume with him. Especially if it was a pretty girl who liked basketball. The guys on the team would call her a dream girl.

The thing was, he knew he didn’t like her that way. Or any girl really.

What he knew he liked, or really _who_ he knew he liked, was Cyrus. He’d stuck to crushing silently for the most part. Other than that time after he played Buffy one on one and couldn’t stop himself from looking back at him. The crush had been simmering inside of him for a while at that point.

He still didn’t really know what to do about his feelings. He wasn’t even sure if Cyrus liked guys, and he kind of doubted it anyway. He probably liked Buffy or Andi or some other girl.

It didn’t matter if he did. He’d pushed his feelings down far. Enough for him to be able to ignore them completely.

He’d thought he was doing good at hiding it. It wasn’t something he needed nor wanted to share. Not just his crush on Cyrus but everything that came with it. The thought of everyone at school seeing him differently because of his feelings terrified him. He’d established himself as a tough athlete. Doing a costume with a guy, one that relied on an inside joke only they understood, that could easily clue everyone on his feelings.

He stood up from the bench and chased after Kira.

“What was that costume idea?”

* * *

The hurt on Cyrus’s face when he saw him in the ‘dribble’ t-shirt.

That was when he started to regret… everything. Maybe he shouldn’t have let Kira get to him. Maybe he should’ve tried harder to call Cyrus. Maybe he shouldn’t care so much about what people thought.

Maybe he wished he wasn’t so scared of himself and his feelings.

But he was. And he hated it so much.

When he walked away with Kira, leaving Cyrus by himself in his t-shirt and that strainer on his head, he wanted to go back to him. To tell him he’d call his mom and ask her to bring his real costume and that he was sorry for almost bailing on him. To tell Kira that he didn’t care what she thought, or what others thought. That he liked a boy and he was more than okay with it, and especially with himself.

But he didn’t. He kept walking at Kira’s side. His feet felt heavy and sweat was prickling his forehead. He could feel Cyrus staring at him, it was like he was burning holes into him. Everything in him was telling him to choose Cyrus and to not care about what others thought.

He didn’t turn to look back.


End file.
